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How to help your child deal with sadness and bully

After being a parent, I realised I have to wear more than one hat. As the children get older, my hats get bigger and tougher to put on. Their needs become stronger, so do their emotions. The level of handling their needs and emotions getting higher every year just like our cost of living. Yes, it just went higher and it never come down.

Last night, my boy came home from school looking really sad. I asked him why and he told me about his incident in school.

“Teacher has instructed me to write down names of students who do not sit properly in class. I wrote a classmate’s name down and that classmate got angry, screamed at me and he said he will no longer be my friend anymore.”

  1. A tight hug and a deep breath
    I gave him a tight hug and told him to breathe in and out slowly and deeply. That calmed him down a lot.
  2. “I can cope…” “I’m okay”
    Using words to calm him down further. As much as I would like to throw him loads of advices to help him solve his problems. I stopped myself. I would rather he learns to calm down himself and think about how he can solve this problem if it happens again.
  3. React to it…bravely…
    Running away from problems won’t solve your problems. React to it and face it bravely. Of course, not the kind of brave where your child walk right up to the other person and challenged him/her. Brave in a sense that he/she will face the problem, try to solve it and not running away from it which later leads to worrying all the time.  Definitely, this part will require some help from the parents.

The 3 steps above may sound and look simple but is not easily applied. It takes time. Albeit I’m always reminding him, he doesn’t really apply the above all the time. I still do “routine” checks on my boy. But I believe in my child. I believe one fine day, he will stand up tall and straight with confident and with the ability to cope with tough times.






This Post Has 17 Comments

  1. I wonder why did the teacher put him in such position? Nevertheless, I agree with you. Instead of stepping in and help solve the problem for our kids, we should let them face the problem head on and learn how to come up with a solution.

    1. I suppose teacher wasn’t available at that time so monitor and the monitress are the people who have to take over and make sure the class under control. Is heartpain to see them so upset and being bullied but they have to learn somewhere, somehow.

  2. Teachers should be more tactful then to “instigate” kids to report each other. Unless the child is a prefect(ooops).

    Another teachable moment for child, how to handle bullies in school (and next time in society).

    cheers, Andy

    1. Last time in my class, we did the same. When teachers not available e.g. go toilet, the monitors will stand in front of the class to write names, to make sure class is in order.

      Yeah, a good way for them to get experience with different situations. At least when they grow older or stepping out to world, they won’t get so shocked. Part and parcel of growing up.

  3. Not easy. I agree that reacting to it bravely is a step forward. Guess this is one of the situation where they have to go through the experience and do their own growing up.

    1. Yeah, is tough actually. As a parent you want to go sayang them but you can’t because that will make them more fragile…

  4. Wow I hope I will have the wisdom to know what to do and say when the time comes someone bullies my boys.

  5. June

    It’s not easy but kudos to you for walking him through the incident and helping him to see things differently. I think such times are tough but also opportunities for them to learn and grow. Perhaps there is a way to approach his friend in future to make things up? I hope that the teacher also realizes she could have handled this differently. Big hugs to you both!

    1. Thanks June! Yes, a good learning opportunity to learn and grow. A good exposure for them when young but also heart pain for parents. 😛

  6. I’m sure your hug and reassurance mean a lot to your son….I totally agree with what you said about the older our kids get, the more emotional needs would surface. Hopefully, he will also be surrounded by a group of good friends he can turn to in school.

  7. I do agree that the older they get, the more problems they (and hence we as parents) face. It’s good that you have a strong bond with your son and he is willing to tell you his problems. Think that’s the best we can do as a parent – to be there for them.

  8. I can totally relate to this scenario when my son was Class monitor and teacher asked him to check for the kids who don’t listen. When he pointed their name, they all got angry with him.

  9. This is also one reason I don’t look forward to have the kids grow up. I’m afraid I wouldn’t know how to deal with things like that. But hopefully we will be wiser as parents and grow with the child as they age too!

    1. Yeah… there’s no right or wrong answer. But you are right, we’ll have to grow together with them.

  10. Liz

    Simple and true. I like your approach because you’re not angry about it and showing him to be a bully back. It’s all about dealing with the situation calmly and rationally. Thanks for these tips ❤️

    1. Lup Wai - Parent Whisperer

      My greatest pleasure! Thank you for liking this approach. As the saying goes: For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. Ralph Waldo Emerson.

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