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Having a strong-willed child at home or a child who just hates listening to you or follow your instructions? Feel like having a tug-of-war with your child most of the time?
You are not alone! The struggle is REAL!
Many times when we are in that struggle we tend to start the blaming game: why is my child behaving so badly? We start to pity ourselves: why am I in this kind of situation? Believe me, these thoughts will run through your mind when the situation occurs without you realizing it at times.
A lot of times, we got angry because of the child’s behavior. When that occurs, the more they resist, the more we want to be in control. Agree?
What causes this power struggle?
1. They want attention and connection
Kids are looking for our attention and connection. They want to connect with us but not all the time they know how to express it properly and when that happens, the struggles occur.
2. They want power
As the child grows older, they have a better sense of what they want. They will demand the power they need in all sorts of way.
How to avoid power struggles with our kids?
1. Connect with them
Recognize their needs and connect with them. Being in connection with your child will have less chance of getting into that power struggles.
2. Give them the power
It’s ok to give them power. Power makes them less prone to getting bullying or get intimidated by others. What I mean is, while you are giving him/her the power to make a decision, teach them how to do it wisely. Guide them along. We, as parents, need to empower them and not overpower them. That’s the difference!
Your child wants the toy displayed on the shelf but it was over your budget.
– instead of an unfriendly tone giving him a big NO
– use a more friendly tone and connect with your child and tell him on why you are not getting that
– negotiate with him or brainstorm with him
– give him choices (choices that YOU CAN ACCEPT)
– allow him to feel that he is in control as well
– it’s a win-win situation.
Last but not least, as parents, we need to take of ourselves as well. When we are tired or overworked, we tend to lose our temper and patience easily and this can also cause the struggles within the family. So, do remember to take care of yourself as well.
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